I wish for you a relationship in which you feel safe enough to lose. 

What do I mean by that? I want you to have a partner who will respect and love you even when you admit that you’re wrong, or that you misunderstood, or that you made a mistake. 

Did you know that you can have an experience of something, and also know that your experience isn’t the only right one?

Does your partner make it safe for you to give up being right? Without doing the “gotcha” thing, criticizing, or invalidating your experience? Making sure you know you “lost”?

Does your partner ever give up being right themselves?

Do you make it safe for your partner to give that up?

When we stop having to be right, having to win — we change the molecular structure of the relationship. We put down the fight and pick up the connection. We choose love and listening over fear and going to war.

Does all of this sound great — and totally out of reach? You just need to learn new skills. One of my favorite resources is the book Getting To Zero by Jayson Gaddis. I use the tools in this book with all of my couples therapy clients, and get great results. 

Go forth, and lose!